“I never would’ve guessed you’re gay” – fighting against stereotypes and assumptions

I’ve written countless articles throughout my 13-year career, but none quite as close to my heart as this one. Since leaving college aged 18 and deciding against university, I’ve had a successful career as a copywriter, editor and social media manager, working at a number of leading magazines, newspapers and websites. 

My Hays story began just over two years ago, when I joined the marketing department, first as a content writer before moving into the role of social media manager. Outside of work, I’m a crochet enthusiast, horror film fanatic and cat mum. I’m also a gay woman – my sexuality it just one aspect of who I am, but it’s certainly the part of me that has resulted in the most unsolicited questions. This is largely the reason I’m passionate about driving change for the LGBTQ+ community and why I’ll continue to use my platform to educate and influence.

Microaggressions are commonplace for me as a gay woman

To most people, I don’t look like a “stereotypical gay woman” – I wear classically feminine clothing and my hair reaches past my shoulders. When I walk down the street, I fly under the radar. I’m not subject to homophobic slurs and abuse in my day-to-day life because strangers don’t know I’m gay unless I tell them. I’ve struggled with feeling like an imposter in the LGBTQ+ community because I haven’t faced as many hardships as many of my peers. Although I’m grateful for this, and I’m well aware it’s a privilege, it can sometimes feel like my opinions aren't taken as seriously as others, and can make it harder for people to relate to me.

I may have had an easier ride than some, because I've never received homophobic abuse due to the way I look or present, but that certainly doesn’t mean what I experience on a regular basis is acceptable either. Men in bars don’t take no for an answer when I reject their advances and cite my sexuality as the reason – they either don’t believe me or think they can “turn me” – but if I pretend to have a boyfriend, they quickly leave me alone. 

When people find out I prefer to date masculine-presenting women, they often ask "well, why don't you just date men?" Strangers typically assume I’m speaking about a man if I mention “my partner.” I usually correct this assumption, but I’m tired of having to come out to people so frequently, especially when it’s met with a look of surprise, then the casual microaggression: “I never would’ve guessed you’re gay.” What’s more, people often feel entitled to ask personal follow-up questions – despite usually barely knowing me – although they would deem a similar line of questioning invasive to a heterosexual person. 

To move towards a more inclusive future, we need to spread awareness of the microaggressions, assumptions and stereotypes that the LGBTQ+ community regularly face, the detrimental impact they can have, and how to avoid being guilty of them. 

Driving change for LGBTQ+ awareness through my work

In my current role as social media manager at Hays, I control all our UK social media channels, including LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook. With a combined following of around 600,000, my voice – through the means of Hays’ accounts – reaches a huge audience and therefore has the potential to make an impact on important issues, including diversity, equity and inclusion (DE&I) for the LGBTQ+ community. For this reason, all content that I post on this subject aims to: be informative, spread awareness and encourage healthy conversations, rather than just tokenistic mentions on awareness days. 

My passion for driving LGBTQ+ inclusion doesn’t stop with spreading awareness on social media. I’ve also written several articles that have been published on the Hays website, including an educational piece about the importance of pronouns. 

I feel fortunate that my job gives me the platform to drive real change for the LGBTQ+ community and I’m proud of the work that I’ve done to support this mission. However, perhaps my biggest achievement was appearing as a panellist for an internal Pride Month event last year. Standing in front of around 100 of my colleagues and speaking candidly about my personal experiences as a gay woman was definitely outside of my comfort zone! But the overwhelmingly positive reaction I received on that day made me realise more than ever that we have many allies in our corner that are willing to learn and support. 

Be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community

In our fight for LGBTQ+ inclusion, it’s vital that we have allies who are willing to stand up for what’s right. If you see or hear anyone – whether that be a colleague, family member or stranger – say something that’s offensive or assumptive, then speak out. Our guide to inclusivity can help. Being a true ally means taking action.

To hear about the experiences of other LGBTQ+ employees at Hays UK and Ireland, then check out these stories:

Mia Walker: Inclusion is more than just a rainbow flag logo
Alex Hort: LGBTQ+ inclusion is moving in the right direction – but we’re not there yet 
Michael Arnold: Why it's crucial to speak out and show support for the LGBTQIA+ community
Aaron Barry: Being my authentic self has boosted my career

If you would be interested in working for a company that cares about diversity, equity and inclusion, then take a look at our careers page.