Why and how men should speak about their mental health at work

Anyone can suffer from mental health problems regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, nationality, or socio-economic status. 

However, men traditionally find it more difficult than women to acknowledge their own feelings and any mental health problems they may have. This is often related to macho assumptions about what it means to be a real man, particularly in cultures where the open display of emotions from men is not historically valued. However, in my experience, this is beginning to change, and more men are recognising the strength that comes from being emotionally authentic and open about mental health. 

Acknowledging how you feel is the first step 

It starts by being both open to your own feelings, and honest about them. This does not mean that there is a need to be more obviously emotional in terms of what others see in your behaviour. People deal with their emotions in different ways, and this may or may not be obvious to others, but denial isn’t a great approach. 

Acknowledging how you feel in difficult situations isn’t unmanly or weak, it’s an important part of coping effectively and performing well – you can’t really think rationally without understanding your emotions properly. If you are trying to think clearly about your best course of action in an anxiety-provoking situation, you need to acknowledge how you feel and be able to identify specific emotional responses. It may be uncomfortable to do this, particularly if you have tended to repress your feelings for a long period of time. However, having the courage to do so is likely to have positive benefits.

If you want to think clearly, feel clearly 

Identifying exactly what emotions you are experiencing is important. Reading your feelings wrongly can lead to questionable conclusions about what is driving your response. For example, you may believe you are feeling angry about a situation when, actually, your prime emotion is embarrassment.  

The first conclusion may cause you to search for who or what is making you angry and to a belief that the situation is unfair or another person is behaving badly. Whereas if you identify embarrassment as your main emotion you are more likely to consider the thought that you have somehow let someone down or fallen short in terms of what you expect of yourself. So, your appraisal of your emotional state can lead to different outcomes in terms of what you attribute as the cause of how you’re feeling and probably your subsequent behaviour. If you want to think clearly, feel clearly. 

Denial of feelings has a knock-on effect 

Denial of feelings, or discouraging emotional display, can lead to a climate where people believe they cannot be themselves and potentially where there is a fear of appearing to be weak. I have run many psychological wellbeing programmes with a wide range of people and organisations. When I walk into a room that is exclusively male, I still find it is usually more difficult to have an open discussion about emotions than in a mixed group. I always check my own emotions and thoughts in such situations to be careful I am not allowing my own unconscious biases or thinking errors to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy! 

What I find often happens, is that if just one man starts to open up about their feelings and experiences, then others often follow. There is a switch in the room climate from tangible discomfort to a release and belief that it is now safe to talk. I also find that this happens more regularly than it did a few years ago. Slowly but surely men are recognising that it’s not only OK but healthy to talk about how you feel. If you are a man in a leadership role there is an opportunity here to shift what is considered to be acceptable and desirable in this area and role model healthier behaviours for the next generation of leaders. 

How to encourage your male employees to be more open about their feelings 

Many organisations are now encouraging their employees to bring their whole self to work, to behave naturally and authentically. For many men, this means being more open about their feelings and honest about any mental health problems.  

• If you manage a large or exclusively male team there are some things you can do to encourage this 
• Express your own feelings openly and authentically. This sends a clear message that it is normal to talk about emotions 
• Occasionally ask individuals, and the team as a whole, how they feel about current demands and challenges. Don’t make every conversation about tasks and targets 
• If your team experiences a significant setback, actively encourage them to share how they feel about what has happened and the conclusions they are drawing from the situation 
• If someone has a mental health problem, encourage them to be as open about it as they feel they want to be, and make it very clear to them that you will do what you can to support them 
• Challenge anyone who suggests that someone is weak or not capable based on perceptions of their mental health.